Category Archives: poetry

don’t get me wrong (he never does)—
it’s not that his blood was some kind of

fuse, some sanguine gasoline on my 
fire. if you knew me like he did you would

know that i had already been burning. nor
was it some blanket that smothered me.

instead i saw his chalkboard knuckles 
and the absent purse of his lips. i didn’t 

mean anything by it, looking at him that
way, like i didn’t want to

crane my neck to see the crown of his
head. no, i don’t know how he gets

his hair like that. all i know is that he’s
settled into something big enough

for the two of us, him and his run-up
and my jump, his block and my

spike. it’s always my spike, cleaving 
through him, whether i mean 

it or not. it’s always him letting me in,
surface of unrippled lake. one day

i saw him in the middle of a storm and
i grieved for him and you know

the rest of the story: neither
of us has ever been the same since.

that’s the thing about that
wily cat, isn’t it. catboy him,
catboy him with the ruffled 
hair and unruffled grin and
the slow sly sincere smile 
spreading across his goofy
face. that’s the thing about
him and the ways he looks
at me. don’t think i don’t
know. of course i know. of
course i see him see me, 
see you see him see me
and tap your beautiful nail
against your beautiful chin
and wonder. 

it’s his fault, because it
always is. him picking his
team off the floor every 
time the referee rules in
our favor. him nodding to
you in the stands like we’re
friends. maybe we’re friends.
maybe he wonders how i
got a girl like you. maybe
you wonder it too. i hope
you don’t. i hope you know
that i love you the way i
love nothing else: your 
limelight smile your slim
fingers the way you look at
us and think: this could be
something beautiful.

the truth is that it’s never
been his fault. except for 
the time that it was, too
many events cascading one
after the other into him
against my shoulder. hand
in my lap. and perhaps you
saw us then, my hair hardly
obscuring the look you 
know as the way i look at
you. perhaps you knew then
before i did. perhaps you 
wonder about the future of
us. let me promise you that
i am committed to you. and
if i am to win him over there
will be no tricks. no lies. no
blowing the whistle early. i
will win him over like no
other victory: i will play
fair and square.